Today last year, I had my left breast lumpectomy at MSK in the city. My mom came here for a week from Taiwan to be with me, and Evan drove us to the city for the operation. Look at what one year can do! It’s only been 1 year, but SO much great things has happened. Fine, losing my job this spring was not what I would call “great”, but as we all know, the universe has it’s own plans and good reasons for things to happen in our lives, we just have to wait and see what better things are in store for us.
Within a year, I had my breast cancer treatment, radiation, changed my lifestyle and diet, got laid off, parted ways with my therapist, and now am a mom-to-be! I can’t believe that my long awaited dream is FINALLY coming true! As each second of the day goes by, my little baby boy is growing stronger and bigger, preparing to be a full 40 week fetus, ready to emerge into the world. Just this thought is incredible to me. I am connecting with my baby everyday, but still, there’s a little living being growing in my belly! How amazing is that?!
Now I can finally understand how other moms feel, there’s really no words to describe or replace this feeling, of being so connected to another human being, being their sole provider of nourishment, water, blood, energy and life force to slowly grow into a full human after 40 weeks. Again, I’m awestruck, and I feel so grateful everyday for this previlous to be little baby Morris’ mommy-to-be. I know he’s happy in there, listening to me talk, sing, play the guitar, play the piano and just puring living while he’s swimming around in there. I can feel his light kicks since 2 weeks ago, and they are amazing. It’s like he’s saying “hi” to me or something. I know you’re in there Morris, I feel you.
So on this one year anniversary of my lumpectomy, I am eternally grateful to God, to the universe, to all powers that be for helping me, guiding me towards living the best life that I am meant to live. Because of the diagnosis, it changed the way I see life, how I treat myself, and how I treat others. I’ve become more present through all the small things of everyday, and appreciating everyone’s little things too. There’s no such thing as “boring” to me anymore, because all small things are important and acknowledge by me now, all thanks to the health scare a year ago. I am finally taking much better care of myself, I have more respect for myself, and am putting myself first for the first time in 46 years of life. I am so ready to be the best mom there ever was, and I am enjoying every second of this gestational period, like a pregnancy moon! I deserve it, after almost 5 years of fertility treatments and getting rid of cancer, this is my time now to get what I want. I think more women need to take care of themselves first, it’s easier said than done, but for me it was thanks for the diagnosis that finally woke me up to how finite our time on this Earth really is, and to go for what I really want in life. I am lucky to be alive today, and lucky for the roof over my head, the food that I eat, the clothes that keeps me warm, my love Evan, and my lovely family and friends. Thank you God for everything, I will always remember.
Rajaverse 