I’m officially in my 4 1/2 month period in my pregnancy. It still doesn’t feel real to me, I think it’s because it took me SO long to get here (5 years) that it’s taking a while to hit me. I’m starting to feel the little “flutters” in my tummy, which are little movements or kicks by the baby. It’s an amazing feeling, knowing that each of these flutters are created by a little, tiny mango sizes fetus, living off of the placenta, in my stomach! How odd of a thought is that?!
I’m slowly, and maturely starting to realize how it feels to be a mom. It’s mostly about what they call “unconditional love” for another living being that you don’t know yet, but you know that you just love them. There’s not rhyme or reason to it, but just that you know that you love them. It’s that simple, and it’s that profound at the same time. Maybe it’s because of our literal physical connection through the placenta, umbilical cord that makes our connection so close, but maybe it’s also that spiritual connection that you can’t put words to or a physical description or thing to. I don’t know what it is, but I know I’m feeling it. Every time I think of him, I feel that unexplainable happiness, this contentment, this peace that I’ve never felt before. Maybe this is what they call love.
When one starts to love another being without regard to oneself’s gains or loses, that’s what this maternal love feels like. I have yet to “meet” him, this tiny being living in my stomach, but I feel that I already know him, and that I know that I love him, and he doesn’t even have to do anything for me, or give me anything back. I’ve heard about this before, but now I am finally feeling it for myself, and understanding it. This might be the whole meaning of life. What is the meaning of life you ask? I think it’s being able to feel and experience this type of “unconditional love” that you feel for another being without any returns.
I’m almost at my half way mark, and I want time to slow down, so that I can remember every single second of this time that I’m incubating this little life inside of me. I want to remember how this feels, and how I’m feelings about this time. I want to cement this time in my mind forever, like a monument that will always exist, even when I’m not here.
Little baby Morris, you are loved, you are my little baby, and you will grow up to be an amazing person. I will be here for you, to witness this happening every step of the way. I want to be your pillar, no matter what you go through, I will be here for you. Mommy loves you, because you are worth everything.
Rajaverse 