I’ve wanted to write about my two experiences with magic mushrooms in the past month, but as anyone who has experienced psilocybin knows, words and thoughts no longer seem sufficient to describe the experience. That’s why it took me a while to gather my thoughts and share how losing my ego has transformed my perception of everything and nothing simultaneously.
I’ve wanted to write about my two experiences with magic mushrooms in the past month, but as anyone who has experienced psilocybin knows, words and thoughts no longer seem sufficient to describe the experience. That’s why it took me a while to gather my thoughts and share how losing my ego has transformed my perception of everything and nothing simultaneously.
Honestly, I struggle to find the right words to describe my two journeys into the outer universe. It’s all in my heart, my soul, my feelings—not in my mind, my grey matter, synapses, or neurons. Let me attempt to describe how these two trips have shaped my current state.
My first trip was a solitary one, my first venture outside of myself, and it was incredibly positive and exciting. My heart was attuned to everything around me—objects, non-objects—all vibrant, alive, growing, and transforming. I felt a soulful connection with everything, an intertwining of energy, spirit, and atoms. Sitting there, I sensed that every tiny atom around me was intricately linked to myself. There were no barriers, no distinctions between me as an individual and the air, the sun, or the ground. Even the plants became animate, undergoing a rapid time-lapse cycle of life and death before my eyes, engulfing me in a multidimensional experience. The nature-themed wallpaper in the powder room transformed into a live-action movie depicting the cycle of life and death, with flowers, butterflies, and birds flourishing and fading in an endless loop. Overwhelmed by a flood of emotions—joy, inspiration, awe—I couldn’t help but shed tears. In that state of awe, I felt weightless, as if I transcended my physical form, existing solely as a feeling, an experience, a connection. After what might have been an hour or more, I caught a glimpse of myself in the powder room mirror, witnessing my face cycling through the stages of youth and old age. What did it mean? I believe it conveyed the message to cherish and embrace time, to love the aging process as a privilege and a rite of passage that not everyone gets to experience. Since that moment, I have been living every second of my life actively, cherishing each moment.
Finally emerging from the powder room after what felt like two hours, I stepped outside and sat by the front door, observing the trees and the fallen leaves. The leaves transformed into writhing black snakes, initially unsettling, but soon resembling the imagery of the Garden of Eden and the choice to partake of the apple—a symbol of my ability to shape my life according to my desires, regardless of external circumstances. I realized I possessed the power to control my destiny.
Then, I approached my piano and started playing and singing with a newfound freedom akin to that of a professional musician. It felt as though my fingers were no longer my own but liberated, uninhibited as they danced across the keys. My voice followed suit, belonging to someone else—a free-spirited creature creating sounds that harmonized with nature. This liberation continued for at least two hours, if not more. I couldn’t stop playing. My fingers and voice refused to cease because the freedom from self-judgment, liberated from the clutches of the ego, was too magnificent to let go. Is this how the Beatles did it? Is this how Lana Del Rey improvises her songs? Regardless, it was truly magical—the sensation of freedom from the self, from the darkness, from self-doubt or criticism.
For the second trip, I felt compelled to bring Evan along so that he could witness the enchantment of such profound freedom. Unfortunately, he fell ill with a severe headache, curled up in a ball on the couch while I marveled at the trees outside, expressing my wonder and amazement. Evan claimed to see dark clouds hovering over my chest, a manifestation of the darkness where my personal demons resided. He believed that those clouds were connected to the breast cancer I had experienced—a demon that I needed to release. He attributed all of it to my childhood, urging me to learn the art of letting go. Moved by his insights, I wept beside him, gazing through the fireplace into the piano room, where the walls seemed to emit a radiant glow. In a brief moment with closed eyes, I too caught a glimpse of the demon. Evan conveyed that he finally comprehended the origins of my depression and suffering, emphasizing the importance of dispelling that dark cloud, assuring me that I had the strength to do so. In the aftermath, he composed a breathtaking poem for me in less than five minutes. Sitting outside, overlooking the backyard where the trees flourished, he shared the poem with me. Overwhelmed with emotion, I shed tears as every word perfectly captured the essence of my life. You can read his poem right here.
This is the power and magic of psilocybin. Since those two trips, I no longer experience fear for anything. I have learned to appreciate every little aspect of life with heightened awareness and a newfound attention to detail. Nature no longer appears the same to me. Even without magic mushrooms, I view every leaf, every particle of pollen with profound awe and amazement, feeling an unprecedented connectedness with the natural world. Furthermore, I believe that without fear, I have the potential to become a great musician and singer. I can envision myself performing confidently in front of others, unburdened by the fear of failure.
If everyone could experience this, I firmly believe that the world would finally achieve a state of peace, brimming with creativity, fresh perspectives, and, of course, love.
I’ve wanted to write about my two experiences with magic mushrooms in the past month, but as anyone who has experienced psilocybin knows, words and thoughts no longer seem sufficient to describe the experience. That’s why it took me a while to gather my thoughts and share how losing my ego has transformed my perception of everything and nothing simultaneously.
I’ve wanted to write about my two experiences with magic mushrooms in the past month, but as anyone who has experienced psilocybin knows, words and thoughts no longer seem sufficient to describe the experience. That’s why it took me a while to gather my thoughts and share how losing my ego has transformed my perception of everything and nothing simultaneously.
I’ve wanted to write about my two experiences with magic mushrooms in the past month, but as anyone who has experienced psilocybin knows, words and thoughts no longer seem sufficient to describe the experience. That’s why it took me a while to gather my thoughts and share how losing my ego has transformed my perception of everything and nothing simultaneously.
I’ve wanted to write about my two experiences with magic mushrooms in the past month, but as anyone who has experienced psilocybin knows, words and thoughts no longer seem sufficient to describe the experience. That’s why it took me a while to gather my thoughts and share how losing my ego has transformed my perception of everything and nothing simultaneously.
Rajaverse 