“Congratulations Amy, you’re graduating from breast cancer radiation therapy!” said Dr. Couron.
I think graduating from a bull shit college would be more exciting and rewarding than this. This last full week of radiation at MSK was brutal. Not so much physically, but more emotionally. On Wednesday, everyone’s appointments were pushed back by an hour because they were running late with one of the two $4 million dollar machines. With all this time to burn (pun intended), I witnessed way too much sorrow, fear, and hopelessness in an hour.
There were at least four men and women, all getting breast radiation in their 70s and 80s there, waiting after me. I wanted to give them my spot and I’ll just go home. In a sea of white hair, I sat there feeling guilty for some odd reason. Guilt because why am I there to take their spot? Guilt because why can’t I help them get better? How can I help? I wish I can take the mic there, and say to them the following:
“I would like to share with you all the truth about cancer, the first thing is it feeds on sugar and carbs, if you don’t do anything else, just do this one thing, stop eating all sugars and carbs today. Has any of the nurses or doctors in this building ever shared that information with you? I’m guessing no, that’s because it’s unfortunate, but they also are not educated about nutrition either. Two, please have hope that your own immune system can fight these cancer cells off, if you eat greens, berries, and natural foods, keep a positive mindset, you won’t be sick any longer.” Mic drop.
I would see the hospital security coming at me to tackle me, and take me to the disobedient psych ward. That’s really why I felt guilty sitting in that waiting room, I know I can help but the system has me on a choke hold mentally. I guess I’m sort of a hypocrite because look at me, I only have two more “boost” sessions left, then getting awarded the diploma from Radiation University. Yes, I also have fear, I don’t want Evan or my family to tell me 15 years later, we told you so, it came back because you didn’t listen to the doctors back then. I did this to shut them up and to shut myself up too. I’m the lucky one, my cancer didn’t require harsher treatments like chemo, man I can see how much of a wrestle I would have with people if I fought against that! The fear is real.
Wearing my fancy hospital green and white, seersucker gown backward, I walk down the aisle to graduate from Rad U. F U cancer.
Rajaverse 